The Difficulties of Being Aware

Take time to relax and enjoy the sunsets... sunrises are too hard to get up for :)

As I ponder what has been happening, I realise that for a while I have kinda zoned out of the real world and lived in my own little bubble. I guess that is quite common for families but all of a sudden you realise that you have missed out on a lot.

I have always been awkward in social situations. I often blurt out something that may or may not hurt someone else feelings and on many occasions I do not know how to hold on to a conversation. Yet at the same time, there are people with whom I find it exceedingly easy to just talk for hours at a time, but when I don't know the person it becomes increasingly difficult to speak. Especially if I have to speak Finnish, isn't that ironic? So yes I am shy, at times painfully so, thus you could propose that I really haven't missed out on anything anyway. Yet I feel as if I have and of course in somethings I have. I guess thats more of what life is, you cannot be everywhere at once. You cannot keep the same lifestyle at all points in time. And you always miss what you have lost and crave what you do not have. Then again with this age of social media, and a tendency of people being more "me, me, me", the real anxiety I get is from what others share as their life.. which may be really different from what it actually is..

More so I zoned out of what was happening in the bigger picture, in the world etc. When you are shoved back in, there a things that have really shocked me and things that make me feel optimistic. At times I am boiling with rage toward decision makers on all levels, and then I read interesting research topics that spark belief in a better future. What most surprices me is the general attitude of people. How much hatred is spread out at least online, people saying things I bet they wouldn't dare say to someone's face. Why is it that people feel ok to bash someone online? Why is it that when discussing any topic, people turn to arguing with profanities rather than having a real mature discussion?

Not only is it this environment of hate online but also what seems to be interesting to people, like environmental issues are still seen as a politic debate not a real actual problem. People are more focused on following celebrities that may or may not have any talent. This tendency of putting your own happiness and desires first, and ignoring everything else worries me. So much could be achieved when worked towards a common good rather than focusing on the near future. Anyway as can be seen I have been reading quite a lot of interesting books on sustainability, not only on an environmental level but on the whole. The sad part is that any issue out there in relation to environment and social issues, seems to already have a solution.. so where is the problem?

Outfits of Summer 15

How do you start a post that you have been planning and also writing for more than half a year? Well how about with some pondering into the mysterious ways time slips right through my fingers and some outfits from last summer...

I have been living now since last fall in the most charming little city. Most buildings here are quite old and it feels more like living in old European city than Finland. The centre of Turku especially is odd to me, just behind a corner you can find small houses and apartment buildings with large yard areas. In any case it feels quite charming to me. There are tons of lovely little boutiques, cafes and restaurants calling my name, if I only had time. I really don't know how Beyonce does it ;)

I am quite surprised how busy one person can be, where did all my time go? What did I even do? I don't know how I used to waste my time, as now I just can't seem to get everything done that normally should be done. Like sleeping, eating, taking care of ones personal hygiene. I guess this is like everything else in life, when you have it you don't appreciate it and when you lose it you want it back so bad. I really miss the times I had more time for my blog, this used to be my creative hide away. Now I have so many things to do on my spare time, that this usually is the last thing on my mind. Like now I should be doing my thesis not writing this.

At the same time I notice something about myself, when I have the energy I can accomplish a million things within an hour but on some other day I can even seem to get out of bed let alone do something. Its really strange how one's energy levels can fluctuate so radically. Maybe I need adjust my diet or something. I also often notice how I think about different things and have great big plans, but getting around to doing them is also a HUGE struggle. Luckily this summer I have found time for the things I love and have planned.. like sewing projects and watching millions of tv shows :) I'm having bad withdrawal symptoms from Supernatural, Criminal Minds and Pretty Little Liars.. Especially now that I don't know where to watch any, well Supernatural I have to wait for a new season first..

So about the outfits, for my own purposes it is quite beneficial to take a stroll back to what I wore as I can then see the development of my style and so forth. Sometimes I feel like I should challenge myself to do something like recreate my Pinterest board of outfits, just to get myself to try more new things. Then again I do feel like I have gotten much better at wearing the clothes I used to save up for special occasions aka never used them for the fear of ruining them. Hah. Do they all look like what I expect, no way, but at least I tried and should perhaps practice posing a bit. Basically it seems that my favorite pair of shoes last year were the white lace ones seen in most of the pictures.. Some of the clothes seen in these pictures are in quite a lot of use this year as well, hopefully I will manage to share some before the summer is over. Wishful thinking at least.

Throwback to Summer in Tallinn

Can't believe its October already. Time really flies and apparently last time I posted something I was catching a cold and today I'm hopefully getting better from a high fever. Ironic. I decided earlier that I wouldn't write much about my personal life in detail here and I'm keeping to that but I just have to say my life changed hugely at the end of August. I have learned so much new in this short time and my life will never be the same again in a wonderful way. Its been a tiring time being fully employed all the time and lacking proper sleep but its so rewarding at the same time.

Anyway here are some pictures from a trip to Tallinn. Panda and I took a boat to Tallinn and chose to spend way too much time in the city as the return trip was late in the evening. I have to say my feet were killing me by the end, but then again we saw so much and had time to shop though I was disappointed in the shops. Dunno when I will have another chance to go shopping in the near future though. It was also a really hot day to be walking around so we had to stop several times to get something to drink. We eventually stopped at a park and Panda took a nap. All in all it was a very tiring trip.

I was wearing another cool maxi skirt that I've been using a lot this summer, just didn't realize to take an outfit picture. I was surprised to find a Victoria's Secret in Tallinn, of course just cosmetics but I was glad to get some new shower gel. Also a nice star cardigan and a top from H&M.

Sunset

I have been super busy lately and now seems I'm catching a cold. None the less decided to post some pictures I took during a lovely summer night and my favorite long dress that I wore a lot during the summer. I'm gonna try to get some rest now, but I'll be back with some more things to say.

The School Bus

It was the 4th of July that we went with some friends to a cool hamburger place here in L-town, which means I'm a super slow poster... Anyways we had some burgers and enjoyed some live entertainment. As it was still early July the jasmine bush in the yard was still blooming and the fragrance was so wonderful. Its just one of those things I will definitely miss during the winter. After having about 30 plus days of staggering heat, I'm pretty much ready for fall and some cooler weather. I have always been more of a winter person anyway. I don't complain about the cold and dark, I just love it. The dark gives me the perfect reason to have tons of candles and twinkle lights all around. Though there are things of summer I will miss; like swimming, strawberries and blueberries, jasmine flowers and all other flowers, the sun and so on... But feeling sweaty I will never miss, haha.

Share a Coke with..... ME!

I cannot believe its already the last day of July! Time flies so fast and I have been such a lazy blogger. To be fair though I have been cleaning up my childhood closet and going through my old clothes, toys and so on. This task has taken me longer than I expected as I thought I would have done it in a week, its taken me months, but then again I'm easily distracted to other more interesting things. For example laying around in the sun, watching horror movies, playing with my iPad and celebrating my birthday. Also I have to say this latest heatwave has totally stripped me of any energy I might have, all I could do was just lay around in my air-conditioned room or in a lake. Oh and yes I was late at the swimming thing as well as I just went swimming last weekend during my birthday celebration. Better late than never, right? Cleaning out a closet sounds easy in theory but then when you start to reminisce on all the things passed and try to decide what memories and things are worth keeping around, well it takes time. I've finally sorted through the majority of clothing and packed them away neatly in size order for future generations to sort through. Now all I need to do is figure out all the other toys, books etc stuff.. I feel tired just writing about it.

So basically the point of this post is to display some nice pictures of my Birthday and promise to post more soon, as for once I have a million pictures ready for posting just all I need is to sit down and edit them and also come up with something clever to say. So I'll try to work on that as well as my closet cleaning project ASAP. In the mean while enjoy the lovely summer cabin pictures, the Coke bottle with my surname(that I cleverly edited out, muhahhaha) and the delicious mud-cake!

Sunshine

So these would be considered typical summer pictures, they might look nice and some even sunny but it has been terribly cold. Besides the picture with me and the striped maxi dress. Every time I finally come here and have pictures to post, I find myself in a lack of words. I'm one of those people that have a million opinions and can talk for hours, but when it comes down to jotting something down here I have huge problems. Not only that I can't think of something to say but I start to wonder what would be interesting and what is appropriate. Then I become so flustered that I just end up writing down random thoughts that probably make no sense at all. Argh the problems of a modern person. Anyway my main point for this blog has always been as a place to share some beautiful images that I take but have no other use for.

I can't express how much I like this little area at our summer cottage. You can relax on the couches and watch the lake from all sides even in the cold weather. Alright I think I'll go ponder on my little writers block problem and let you guys enjoy these lovely pictures.

The night when the sun shines

Can't believe its already Juhannus, time keeps flying by.. It really seems that the older one gets the quicker time seems to move.. While as a child the school year always seemed so long and summer short. I'm so excited to see Panda after such a long time, two more nights to sleep alone and he will be back. Yaay. Dunno if I can sleep at all, I'm too excited. I'm posting random shots from May when the cherry and apple tree's were blooming and we had some heat waves in Finland. I got this really nice long striped dress from Taiwan but for some reason in every pic it makes me look huge.. haha I'm not photogenic anyway but this dress doesn't help.. But its super comfortable to wear during hot hot days. I'm also a tad lazy so I added another outfit pic so you get two for the price of one :)

Its also a very important holiday here, Juhannus.. Lots of people vacate to summer cabins to enjoy food, sauna and drinking.. For my family it really never was that big of a deal, not like Christmas. Usually we just go to our summer cabin, warm up the sauna and swim, read books and fill up crossword puzzles, eat a lot especially grilled food. Most times we do the huge bonfire thing, but this year we skipped it as it was a bit rainy.. I can't explain how much this year I enjoyed being near the lake and the process of warming up the sauna. The smell of the birch wood burning, the fresh smell after a little rain, neighbor children playing in the lake and me enjoying a long awaited book. It was just such an idyllic moment, I felt so relaxed and happy. Even the mosquitoes didn't bother me.

Now I'm enjoying the quite calm of the bright night. My mother is listening to some folkish Finnish music that makes me feel nostalgic of past Juhannus nights. Though it hasn't been a super special day, its been very enjoyable and relaxing. I hope there will be more days like this once Panda is back from Taiwan. So I leave you guys with some shoes and more pictures of blossoms. Enjoy your midsummers endless night! :)