Time jump from 2016 to 2021

These pictures are from 2016, from 5 years ago, and they have been sitting in my drafts box for how long now? You could say this blog started wilting down already earlier than that.. So why come back now? Perhaps because I'm testing out Google Analytics and this is the only site I can track or maybe because I have had ideas for a while that I wanted to post, but never got around to it.. Mostly because I have some travel pictures and stories I wanted to write out.. I'm not sure what will happen though, since I have a lot of things to do nowadays as a researcher attempting to complete a PhD. Yes I went from completing my Master's degree to yet another level of education, I must be insane but for those interested here is something about my current research.

On the other hand today I was reading about AI and its conclusion that to solve poverty we must force the rich to give up their money by means of violence. This thought got me thinking about is this conclusion that AI came at actually logical or rather learnt from the violent history of mankind? This thought came to me as from what me know of such cases, the algorithms or AI learn from what is previously done. For example a recruiting algorithm began to sort out women as it learnt how to spot them based on what was written on their CVs. So AI learns from what we have done as humans, but research has already shown that we are far from logical and rather an emotional species, so does AI learn from our erratic behaviour and make so called logical decision based on that premise or could it actually come to a more neutral field beyond emotions? But where would it learn such behaviour when its examples are so illogical? I have always found AI to be scary as it is far beyond our control, but to add to it that it would learn from the violent past of humans is far scarier than the technology itself. 

Lovely light thinking for today, wouldn't you think?

The Difficulties of Being Aware

Take time to relax and enjoy the sunsets... sunrises are too hard to get up for :)

As I ponder what has been happening, I realise that for a while I have kinda zoned out of the real world and lived in my own little bubble. I guess that is quite common for families but all of a sudden you realise that you have missed out on a lot.

I have always been awkward in social situations. I often blurt out something that may or may not hurt someone else feelings and on many occasions I do not know how to hold on to a conversation. Yet at the same time, there are people with whom I find it exceedingly easy to just talk for hours at a time, but when I don't know the person it becomes increasingly difficult to speak. Especially if I have to speak Finnish, isn't that ironic? So yes I am shy, at times painfully so, thus you could propose that I really haven't missed out on anything anyway. Yet I feel as if I have and of course in somethings I have. I guess thats more of what life is, you cannot be everywhere at once. You cannot keep the same lifestyle at all points in time. And you always miss what you have lost and crave what you do not have. Then again with this age of social media, and a tendency of people being more "me, me, me", the real anxiety I get is from what others share as their life.. which may be really different from what it actually is..

More so I zoned out of what was happening in the bigger picture, in the world etc. When you are shoved back in, there a things that have really shocked me and things that make me feel optimistic. At times I am boiling with rage toward decision makers on all levels, and then I read interesting research topics that spark belief in a better future. What most surprices me is the general attitude of people. How much hatred is spread out at least online, people saying things I bet they wouldn't dare say to someone's face. Why is it that people feel ok to bash someone online? Why is it that when discussing any topic, people turn to arguing with profanities rather than having a real mature discussion?

Not only is it this environment of hate online but also what seems to be interesting to people, like environmental issues are still seen as a politic debate not a real actual problem. People are more focused on following celebrities that may or may not have any talent. This tendency of putting your own happiness and desires first, and ignoring everything else worries me. So much could be achieved when worked towards a common good rather than focusing on the near future. Anyway as can be seen I have been reading quite a lot of interesting books on sustainability, not only on an environmental level but on the whole. The sad part is that any issue out there in relation to environment and social issues, seems to already have a solution.. so where is the problem?

Back to School

How is it that when you need to work hard, you end up doing something completely different and run out of coffee before you are even done? What about when you start doing your work and end up googling some random bit of information and start looking at what others did? Haha. That's my life. I'm not gonna lie I'm enjoying being back in school and using my brain, but at the same time I'm going through all those phases of anxiety and questioning myself as any new student does. Its funny how this works, I was laughing at Panda when he did his masters degree that come on its only school and now I'm in the exactly same situation. Life works in mysterious ways. I'm happy though, I get so much more energy from going to class and having more structure in my life. I feel more and more like my old plain self again. Though a bit more uncertain about myself and my skills.

(ain't it funny to post pictures from spring and a text from autumn, in the middle of summer? Better late than never right, though I could easily wear this again today maybe with a lighter blouse though and what is up with my hair, haha)

I'm also pleasantly surprised at the master's degree I chose at Turku University, Turku School of Economics. Its exactly what I wanted to study, and the teachers are great. The teaching methods are quite similar to what I experienced while studying in an University in Canada as well as in an University of Applied Sciences. There are of course things that aren't as great, just like in any school or workplace. I won't go into detail, but I feel that the orientations are different. I mean that in the University of Applied Sciences, the teachers and staff were more oriented towards students and their good performance. While now it seems I am more of a secondary objective, and if I want help it will directly influence my performance negatively. Well we will see how this develops, luckily I can ask Panda for help with any concerns.

I wrote these few words like half a year ago, but only now got around to publishing them.. I'm so fast even turtles go past me. Better late than never right? At this moment I am happily realising how much I love to read and surprisingly write. I never thought about a career in something literary due to my dyslexia, that caused me for a long time to regard myself as well plainly an idiot. Now I have little by little gather a lot more belief in myself and my abilities. I really look forward to stretching my skills further and seeing what I can achieve with hard work and practice. Hey maybe I will write a book someday ;)

She's Alive

Yes, indeed I am still very much alive and well with pictures from today. I have stacks upon stacks of pictures to share, ideas to put into words and motivation for all kinds of projects. So what's the problem?

Well, TIME! I have no time... At this moment, I am trying to complete my first year of my Master's
degree, survive and occasionally also sleep. There is very little time for those things that used to be so precious to me. I can barely manage to do my nails, which used to be a very basic thing for me. Sure at the same time I have become much more efficient with the time that I do have, and am somewhat better at prioritizing. Yet still most days I feel like the day has gone by and I didn't do anything just for myself and relaxation. I guess its just one of those things that belongs to this part of my life, and I can enjoy my free time when I'm old and grey but boy is it exhausting all the same.

On a positive note, yes there is such a thing, I am happier than ever. Sure at times I feel a tad lonely, since I don't have much time for friends either hope they still exist, but most of my days go by in a flash and when my head hits the pillow I feel content. Its like this saying about finding something you never thought you wanted, what I have now is something I didn't really think about that much before but I am glad my life shaped out like this. I have to say, since graduating high school my life has gone more on the flow rather than according to a master plan. I guess thats why I relate to this quote:

"Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans"

At this moment my biggest concern is my Master's thesis, that yes I am already forced to think about and write but I suspect that there is a good reason for that. Its probably also one of the reasons I am back here, I'm trying to enhance my writing skills again. Of course writing academic English is a tad different than maintaining a blog, but at least getting used to the momentum and amount required would be nice. Also I suspect I have way too much bottled up in my mind, in the form of little projects that I want to complete, so I feel I need a place to unload all the excess of thought from my brain here. This could of course mean that at times, my texts will be so out of my mind that they will be hard to follow but its a calculated risk I am willing to take. So to anyone reading this, I'm not as crazy and sad as I seem, I just have a lot on my mind. Also I am quite aware that I have been off and on again kinda blogger for quite some time, but hopefully I can establish a better allocation of time for this little hobby of mine as its still always on my mind.

Cause I'm happy...

So I have to say my blog year hasn't quite started off how I wanted, but that's the way the cookie crumbles. I would say it's all just an adjustment period for the new way my life is though even this keeps changing as the little one grows. Everyday is a new day, new challenge, new routine. I have to say you don't really appreciate the life you had until it's gone. Like I have no idea how I could have wasted so much time in the past. I can get things done now in such a short nap time, yet then again somedays I'm just so tired I can barely stand not to mention accomplish anything. Most days there is no nap time, so much for that me time then, I guess any mother can relate to me in this. It's not like I don't have plenty of picture material for the blog, it's just that I don't have time to edit and write. My head is bursting with ideas not just for pictures, but also for DIY projects like sewing a dress or knitting a blanket etc.. Also all the wedding stuff I should do and post, not to mention I should work out more. Time is just so limited. Sounding a tad stressed, aren't I? I'm just praying for a little more time per day, aren't we all?

All in all I wouldn't change a thing, well maybe a little bit more sleep? Haha. Yet I'm much happier now than ever before, even in my darkest hour I find comfort in the tiny little hands of my little tiger though I should remember to file down those claws. Haha. Anyway life should get easier along the way, just have to keep it togehter.. In the mean while here's some birds flying around my head :)

Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream....

Sleep deprivation is a interesting thing. I never knew how much sleep affects you until now that for over 4 months I haven't slept more than 3 hours in a row. It comes with the job I guess but I do admit I wish I could sleep a little more in a row. Maybe after 20 years right? I can understand mom's that get upset and mad, lack of sleep really makes you on edge. Luckily in general I get at least two 3 hour gaps so I can manage.

Unen puute on kyllä mielenkiintoinen juttu. En koskaan oikein tajunnut kuinka paljon unen puute erityisesti vaikuttaa ihmiseen. Mieliala heittelee laidasta laitaan niin helposti. Onneksi kumminkin saan ainakin kaksi kertaa yössä kolmen tunnin putken niin sillä pärjää yllättävän hyvin. 

I made some 鸳鸯虾, good practice for Chinese New Year. Gonna try this year to make a proper Chinese dinner for Panda. We had a relatives Birthday a while ago and I decided to rock out my sequined top and a glittery cardigan. Like I said it feels wonderful to have sometimes a reason to dress up extra special when you are used to just wearing sweatpants and so on.

Kyllä sitä heti huomaa kuinka kaipaa tälläytymistä kun pääsee lähtemään sukulaisten synttäreille niin iskee heti niskaan mahdollisimman paljon kimalteita. ;)

Sunshine

So these would be considered typical summer pictures, they might look nice and some even sunny but it has been terribly cold. Besides the picture with me and the striped maxi dress. Every time I finally come here and have pictures to post, I find myself in a lack of words. I'm one of those people that have a million opinions and can talk for hours, but when it comes down to jotting something down here I have huge problems. Not only that I can't think of something to say but I start to wonder what would be interesting and what is appropriate. Then I become so flustered that I just end up writing down random thoughts that probably make no sense at all. Argh the problems of a modern person. Anyway my main point for this blog has always been as a place to share some beautiful images that I take but have no other use for.

I can't express how much I like this little area at our summer cottage. You can relax on the couches and watch the lake from all sides even in the cold weather. Alright I think I'll go ponder on my little writers block problem and let you guys enjoy these lovely pictures.

It's me, short and simple...

Do it yourself!