The Breathing of Daydreamers

Breathing.. I listen to them breathing, so calmly. Far away in the dream land, both of them flying. I'm left here wondering. Only the clock keeps me company. Oh why shan't I fly away with them. Oh yes, work calls me to battle. The never ending battle against deadlines. Yet my head is where my heart is. In-between the rhythmic breathing, of daydreamers far away. 

Something that came to my mind, when I was battling against the desire to just relax and my homework. Motivation is such a strange thing, its always missing except when its time to sleep. But even then its only directed at things that aren't urgent. Like writing this post.

The sun shines against the yellow walls of the buildings here. It feels as if we have wondered into a dream like place, only seen in our travels. Spring, feelings of spring come to mind. Ideas of warmth, flowers and lighter clothes run around. Foolish ideas, leading us to premature preparations and possible colds. Oh how I wish I was free.

I saw this gorgeous jacket on a blog and just fell in love with it.. but the first size I ordered online, an S, was way too big for me. That rarely happens to me, so of course I went to change it at the local store and got a smaller size. I've worn in out a few times and it just always makes me feel elegant :) Hence far more pictures of it than anything to say, which given my tired state is a good option.

Jacket Zara - Tee Kappahl - Jeans Bikbok - Shoes Converse - Sunglasses Cubus

The Difficulties of Being Aware

Take time to relax and enjoy the sunsets... sunrises are too hard to get up for :)

As I ponder what has been happening, I realise that for a while I have kinda zoned out of the real world and lived in my own little bubble. I guess that is quite common for families but all of a sudden you realise that you have missed out on a lot.

I have always been awkward in social situations. I often blurt out something that may or may not hurt someone else feelings and on many occasions I do not know how to hold on to a conversation. Yet at the same time, there are people with whom I find it exceedingly easy to just talk for hours at a time, but when I don't know the person it becomes increasingly difficult to speak. Especially if I have to speak Finnish, isn't that ironic? So yes I am shy, at times painfully so, thus you could propose that I really haven't missed out on anything anyway. Yet I feel as if I have and of course in somethings I have. I guess thats more of what life is, you cannot be everywhere at once. You cannot keep the same lifestyle at all points in time. And you always miss what you have lost and crave what you do not have. Then again with this age of social media, and a tendency of people being more "me, me, me", the real anxiety I get is from what others share as their life.. which may be really different from what it actually is..

More so I zoned out of what was happening in the bigger picture, in the world etc. When you are shoved back in, there a things that have really shocked me and things that make me feel optimistic. At times I am boiling with rage toward decision makers on all levels, and then I read interesting research topics that spark belief in a better future. What most surprices me is the general attitude of people. How much hatred is spread out at least online, people saying things I bet they wouldn't dare say to someone's face. Why is it that people feel ok to bash someone online? Why is it that when discussing any topic, people turn to arguing with profanities rather than having a real mature discussion?

Not only is it this environment of hate online but also what seems to be interesting to people, like environmental issues are still seen as a politic debate not a real actual problem. People are more focused on following celebrities that may or may not have any talent. This tendency of putting your own happiness and desires first, and ignoring everything else worries me. So much could be achieved when worked towards a common good rather than focusing on the near future. Anyway as can be seen I have been reading quite a lot of interesting books on sustainability, not only on an environmental level but on the whole. The sad part is that any issue out there in relation to environment and social issues, seems to already have a solution.. so where is the problem?

Country roads, take me home to the place I belong

So I had a few more thought provoking posts lined up, but somehow these pictures didn't seem to portray what I had to say. So instead some random rambling from a tired traveller. This summer I didn't really get to travel anywhere fancy, as we were saving up to during the winter months. So instead my mom and I decided to do a girls only trip within Finland to go see the largest town shop. We first drove to Turku to take my bike there so I can ride to school, though I think I might still decide to walk as I will be hunting Pokemon. (Yes I'm into that too, blame my niece) Then this morning we started up north towards Tuuri. We will spend a day there and then maybe go a little bit more up to see Ähtäri, and its Zoo. Then we will head back home to pick up Panda from the airport. 

So this outfit I wore to a more casual party, hence the converse. I got the dress from taobao and have to say the quality shocked me enormously. Its so soft, doesn't make you feel hot and won't wrinkle at all. The shirt is also from China though as fabric that a seamstress in Finland made for me, though with my current DIY frenzy I might be able to do it myself soon as well :)

Thesis contemplation

Writing my master's thesis has become a source of contemplation and stress. I changed my first proposed topic for another, once I realized that the topic I had in the first place wasn't moving along. I think I reached a limit of how much of the particular concepts I could take, they have been all around me during the academic year and it was enough. Sure this new topic of mine has connections to some concepts from the previous topic, but everything can be connected to everything if you just try. haha... Yet what I keep bumping into is the fact, that no matter how hard I try to decide a topic I would like to study, someone somewhere tells me I should approach it from these concepts and theories, and not the ones I had chosen in the first place.

Its like anything I seem interested in, can be modified to be in relation to psychology, which don't get me wrong is all fine and dandy, but I wanted to do something more. Sure it is imperative to understand how we humans and further the organizations and groups we perform in work, but does everything have to be discussed from such a limited perspective of topics? In the first place I was interested in learning more about the service dominant-logic, but was directed towards customer engagement - so why people do anything in relation to a company.. Now I was returning to a passion of mine, the environment and CSR in the form of the circular economy and blue economy concepts, but was suggested to study motivational theories - so why companies would choose to use these environmental strategies.

Yet in my mind to study motivation in regards to the environment, seems to allow the thinking that there are no environmental issues to discuss. A debate that can be seen, usually in politics that unfortunately is as useful as stabbing oneself in the eye. The environment has changed, more so by the action of man than naturally, the resources we have are scarce because we use them illogically and there are too many people on this earth to be sustained by the current processes in action. So to me it just seems like a waste of time to study motivation, as it would imply that there isn't a pressing need to change the way the world works. Sure from another perspective it would be crucial to know how could we, on a rapid pace change how the decision makers in big companies view the environment.

And as any diligent blogger I have filled this post written in the beginning of summer with early spring pictures from Turku... maybe the next post might even be real time? Scary thought.. 

Back to School

How is it that when you need to work hard, you end up doing something completely different and run out of coffee before you are even done? What about when you start doing your work and end up googling some random bit of information and start looking at what others did? Haha. That's my life. I'm not gonna lie I'm enjoying being back in school and using my brain, but at the same time I'm going through all those phases of anxiety and questioning myself as any new student does. Its funny how this works, I was laughing at Panda when he did his masters degree that come on its only school and now I'm in the exactly same situation. Life works in mysterious ways. I'm happy though, I get so much more energy from going to class and having more structure in my life. I feel more and more like my old plain self again. Though a bit more uncertain about myself and my skills.

(ain't it funny to post pictures from spring and a text from autumn, in the middle of summer? Better late than never right, though I could easily wear this again today maybe with a lighter blouse though and what is up with my hair, haha)

I'm also pleasantly surprised at the master's degree I chose at Turku University, Turku School of Economics. Its exactly what I wanted to study, and the teachers are great. The teaching methods are quite similar to what I experienced while studying in an University in Canada as well as in an University of Applied Sciences. There are of course things that aren't as great, just like in any school or workplace. I won't go into detail, but I feel that the orientations are different. I mean that in the University of Applied Sciences, the teachers and staff were more oriented towards students and their good performance. While now it seems I am more of a secondary objective, and if I want help it will directly influence my performance negatively. Well we will see how this develops, luckily I can ask Panda for help with any concerns.

I wrote these few words like half a year ago, but only now got around to publishing them.. I'm so fast even turtles go past me. Better late than never right? At this moment I am happily realising how much I love to read and surprisingly write. I never thought about a career in something literary due to my dyslexia, that caused me for a long time to regard myself as well plainly an idiot. Now I have little by little gather a lot more belief in myself and my abilities. I really look forward to stretching my skills further and seeing what I can achieve with hard work and practice. Hey maybe I will write a book someday ;)

Outfits of Summer 15

How do you start a post that you have been planning and also writing for more than half a year? Well how about with some pondering into the mysterious ways time slips right through my fingers and some outfits from last summer...

I have been living now since last fall in the most charming little city. Most buildings here are quite old and it feels more like living in old European city than Finland. The centre of Turku especially is odd to me, just behind a corner you can find small houses and apartment buildings with large yard areas. In any case it feels quite charming to me. There are tons of lovely little boutiques, cafes and restaurants calling my name, if I only had time. I really don't know how Beyonce does it ;)

I am quite surprised how busy one person can be, where did all my time go? What did I even do? I don't know how I used to waste my time, as now I just can't seem to get everything done that normally should be done. Like sleeping, eating, taking care of ones personal hygiene. I guess this is like everything else in life, when you have it you don't appreciate it and when you lose it you want it back so bad. I really miss the times I had more time for my blog, this used to be my creative hide away. Now I have so many things to do on my spare time, that this usually is the last thing on my mind. Like now I should be doing my thesis not writing this.

At the same time I notice something about myself, when I have the energy I can accomplish a million things within an hour but on some other day I can even seem to get out of bed let alone do something. Its really strange how one's energy levels can fluctuate so radically. Maybe I need adjust my diet or something. I also often notice how I think about different things and have great big plans, but getting around to doing them is also a HUGE struggle. Luckily this summer I have found time for the things I love and have planned.. like sewing projects and watching millions of tv shows :) I'm having bad withdrawal symptoms from Supernatural, Criminal Minds and Pretty Little Liars.. Especially now that I don't know where to watch any, well Supernatural I have to wait for a new season first..

So about the outfits, for my own purposes it is quite beneficial to take a stroll back to what I wore as I can then see the development of my style and so forth. Sometimes I feel like I should challenge myself to do something like recreate my Pinterest board of outfits, just to get myself to try more new things. Then again I do feel like I have gotten much better at wearing the clothes I used to save up for special occasions aka never used them for the fear of ruining them. Hah. Do they all look like what I expect, no way, but at least I tried and should perhaps practice posing a bit. Basically it seems that my favorite pair of shoes last year were the white lace ones seen in most of the pictures.. Some of the clothes seen in these pictures are in quite a lot of use this year as well, hopefully I will manage to share some before the summer is over. Wishful thinking at least.

What Happened Last Year

Usually I have in the beginning of the year, like in January, recapped the previous year. Mostly the purpose of this is for myself, to go through pictures and remind myself of everything that has happened and to be thankful. So I have decided to uphold this tradition, even if it is already March, and share with you some pictures of 2015. I know, this purpose could be done also by just going through pictures to have some printed, but as that seems to be an eternity project for me I'll just stick to this. Though seriously, I need to remember to get some pictures printed!

Probably the most exciting thing about the year 2015 was the upcoming wedding, all the planning and crafts related to it. I have a ton of pictures of that process, so I decided to perhaps make its own post at some point in time. But the year started off with visiting the potential wedding place with its gorgeous views. I guess the new year is always one for trying to eat healthier etc.. I also set out on a nail polish challenge, that ended after two attempts. haha.. We have this tradition to order things from VS, before we got one in Helsinki, and in 2015 I decided to order some well make up bags, but they ended up being in my purses to collect all little items.

Chinese new year was during February, and besides trying out some new dishes to make I also tried for the first time ever to make baozhi. Baozhi, dumplings of a sort are one of my favorites. When I was visiting China, I had my first kind with a egg filling of sorts and it reminded me so much of home and pulla that I was sold. Panda though persuaded me to make these with meat, so I still need to try out my own favorite. Hopefully some day soon. I have also planned to share some of my favorite Chinese recipes that we make at home, but I don't have good lighting in our kitchen right now. 

Yep this is where it gets repetitive.. Wedding planning, working out, enjoying nature and resting enough.. Mostly reading blogs about weddings and cosmetics. haha..

I got a new lens, the nifty-fifty and went bananas with it. I also finally got around to buying new pants as my beloved jeans wore out in the crotch of all places. I did later on fix the beloved jeans, but luckily I had some sense and got new ones.. haha.. But hey first pic from the wedding process, I was making wedding invitations.. Oh the lace, purple sparkly paper and silver sashes. How I miss the excitement. 

Yeah more nature, new pants, getting excited about summer.. making plans... watching bunnies lay around in grass, laying in grass myself.. walking around aimlessly. ah it was relaxing..

PANIC.. my car got a bit small for the ever growing zoo of us, so my car became our car and we added a little dog to the mix.. Now there are an Owl, Panda, Tiger and Dog.. what a zoo we make. Also note the absolutely fantastic make-up I had, rehearsal for the wedding. 

THE MONTH. Ah the memories.. the below to pics are from the locations that was unbelievably perfect. There were many bumps along the way to this day, and sure there are things that weren't perfect.. But I wouldn't change a thing.. well maybe I would go on a honeymoon, but that is something planned for a later time. Hopefully sooner than later. Also a small trip to Stockholm and Tallinn, since we couldn't go anywhere else. Oh yeah and my birthday month, got some awesome gifts like the raybans.. 

August was mostly about enjoying the summer, being sad about no wedding to plan and getting excited about moving to Turku. We also got to enjoy some nice flowers, that were related to the wedding. Also now that I am rambling so much, I guess a good question to ask is would a post about Finnish wedding traditions be interesting?

The fall season is always full of peoples birthdays and of course we moved to Turku. The tiny apartment we live in is just so beautiful. Also Turku as a city has so many old buildings and it feels like living in some European city rather than in Finland. But there will be more about this lovely place later on, I hope. It was also so exciting and overwhelming to start studying, but oh boy I had no idea about how overwhelming it would be. 

Busy busy busy... study, study, study. Thank goodness there was an exam week, and that I didn't have any exams. I really needed a week to rest back home. Also lately I had made some hat discoveries in the children's department in H&M. They have the best stuff.

More studying, a little bit of getting to know Turku and a whole lot of Christmas mood. But at the same time soo few pictures. I had an intensive course this month that required us to set out of our comfort zone and it was interesting but I felt that I could have done more. Story of my life? haha.. but it has given me some good perspective to consider. 

Puuh, finally at December the best month ever. Christmas time is just my thing: the food, the decorations, the lights and the magic! Ah I even had some awesome outfits for Christmas planned out, though the lovely red dress turned out to be bigger than me. Seems all this walking in Turku has made my waist soo much smaller. I have totally forgotten how much more efficient walking to school is than walking around in the forest. Especially when you leave too late and have to half run. haha. Alright is way later than it should be and I have to get up early for class tomorrow, oh how I hate Mondays.. 

She's Alive

Yes, indeed I am still very much alive and well with pictures from today. I have stacks upon stacks of pictures to share, ideas to put into words and motivation for all kinds of projects. So what's the problem?

Well, TIME! I have no time... At this moment, I am trying to complete my first year of my Master's
degree, survive and occasionally also sleep. There is very little time for those things that used to be so precious to me. I can barely manage to do my nails, which used to be a very basic thing for me. Sure at the same time I have become much more efficient with the time that I do have, and am somewhat better at prioritizing. Yet still most days I feel like the day has gone by and I didn't do anything just for myself and relaxation. I guess its just one of those things that belongs to this part of my life, and I can enjoy my free time when I'm old and grey but boy is it exhausting all the same.

On a positive note, yes there is such a thing, I am happier than ever. Sure at times I feel a tad lonely, since I don't have much time for friends either hope they still exist, but most of my days go by in a flash and when my head hits the pillow I feel content. Its like this saying about finding something you never thought you wanted, what I have now is something I didn't really think about that much before but I am glad my life shaped out like this. I have to say, since graduating high school my life has gone more on the flow rather than according to a master plan. I guess thats why I relate to this quote:

"Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans"

At this moment my biggest concern is my Master's thesis, that yes I am already forced to think about and write but I suspect that there is a good reason for that. Its probably also one of the reasons I am back here, I'm trying to enhance my writing skills again. Of course writing academic English is a tad different than maintaining a blog, but at least getting used to the momentum and amount required would be nice. Also I suspect I have way too much bottled up in my mind, in the form of little projects that I want to complete, so I feel I need a place to unload all the excess of thought from my brain here. This could of course mean that at times, my texts will be so out of my mind that they will be hard to follow but its a calculated risk I am willing to take. So to anyone reading this, I'm not as crazy and sad as I seem, I just have a lot on my mind. Also I am quite aware that I have been off and on again kinda blogger for quite some time, but hopefully I can establish a better allocation of time for this little hobby of mine as its still always on my mind.