Time jump from 2016 to 2021

These pictures are from 2016, from 5 years ago, and they have been sitting in my drafts box for how long now? You could say this blog started wilting down already earlier than that.. So why come back now? Perhaps because I'm testing out Google Analytics and this is the only site I can track or maybe because I have had ideas for a while that I wanted to post, but never got around to it.. Mostly because I have some travel pictures and stories I wanted to write out.. I'm not sure what will happen though, since I have a lot of things to do nowadays as a researcher attempting to complete a PhD. Yes I went from completing my Master's degree to yet another level of education, I must be insane but for those interested here is something about my current research.

On the other hand today I was reading about AI and its conclusion that to solve poverty we must force the rich to give up their money by means of violence. This thought got me thinking about is this conclusion that AI came at actually logical or rather learnt from the violent history of mankind? This thought came to me as from what me know of such cases, the algorithms or AI learn from what is previously done. For example a recruiting algorithm began to sort out women as it learnt how to spot them based on what was written on their CVs. So AI learns from what we have done as humans, but research has already shown that we are far from logical and rather an emotional species, so does AI learn from our erratic behaviour and make so called logical decision based on that premise or could it actually come to a more neutral field beyond emotions? But where would it learn such behaviour when its examples are so illogical? I have always found AI to be scary as it is far beyond our control, but to add to it that it would learn from the violent past of humans is far scarier than the technology itself. 

Lovely light thinking for today, wouldn't you think?

The Breathing of Daydreamers

Breathing.. I listen to them breathing, so calmly. Far away in the dream land, both of them flying. I'm left here wondering. Only the clock keeps me company. Oh why shan't I fly away with them. Oh yes, work calls me to battle. The never ending battle against deadlines. Yet my head is where my heart is. In-between the rhythmic breathing, of daydreamers far away. 

Something that came to my mind, when I was battling against the desire to just relax and my homework. Motivation is such a strange thing, its always missing except when its time to sleep. But even then its only directed at things that aren't urgent. Like writing this post.

The sun shines against the yellow walls of the buildings here. It feels as if we have wondered into a dream like place, only seen in our travels. Spring, feelings of spring come to mind. Ideas of warmth, flowers and lighter clothes run around. Foolish ideas, leading us to premature preparations and possible colds. Oh how I wish I was free.

I saw this gorgeous jacket on a blog and just fell in love with it.. but the first size I ordered online, an S, was way too big for me. That rarely happens to me, so of course I went to change it at the local store and got a smaller size. I've worn in out a few times and it just always makes me feel elegant :) Hence far more pictures of it than anything to say, which given my tired state is a good option.

Jacket Zara - Tee Kappahl - Jeans Bikbok - Shoes Converse - Sunglasses Cubus

Country roads, take me home to the place I belong

So I had a few more thought provoking posts lined up, but somehow these pictures didn't seem to portray what I had to say. So instead some random rambling from a tired traveller. This summer I didn't really get to travel anywhere fancy, as we were saving up to during the winter months. So instead my mom and I decided to do a girls only trip within Finland to go see the largest town shop. We first drove to Turku to take my bike there so I can ride to school, though I think I might still decide to walk as I will be hunting Pokemon. (Yes I'm into that too, blame my niece) Then this morning we started up north towards Tuuri. We will spend a day there and then maybe go a little bit more up to see Ähtäri, and its Zoo. Then we will head back home to pick up Panda from the airport. 

So this outfit I wore to a more casual party, hence the converse. I got the dress from taobao and have to say the quality shocked me enormously. Its so soft, doesn't make you feel hot and won't wrinkle at all. The shirt is also from China though as fabric that a seamstress in Finland made for me, though with my current DIY frenzy I might be able to do it myself soon as well :)

Thesis contemplation

Writing my master's thesis has become a source of contemplation and stress. I changed my first proposed topic for another, once I realized that the topic I had in the first place wasn't moving along. I think I reached a limit of how much of the particular concepts I could take, they have been all around me during the academic year and it was enough. Sure this new topic of mine has connections to some concepts from the previous topic, but everything can be connected to everything if you just try. haha... Yet what I keep bumping into is the fact, that no matter how hard I try to decide a topic I would like to study, someone somewhere tells me I should approach it from these concepts and theories, and not the ones I had chosen in the first place.

Its like anything I seem interested in, can be modified to be in relation to psychology, which don't get me wrong is all fine and dandy, but I wanted to do something more. Sure it is imperative to understand how we humans and further the organizations and groups we perform in work, but does everything have to be discussed from such a limited perspective of topics? In the first place I was interested in learning more about the service dominant-logic, but was directed towards customer engagement - so why people do anything in relation to a company.. Now I was returning to a passion of mine, the environment and CSR in the form of the circular economy and blue economy concepts, but was suggested to study motivational theories - so why companies would choose to use these environmental strategies.

Yet in my mind to study motivation in regards to the environment, seems to allow the thinking that there are no environmental issues to discuss. A debate that can be seen, usually in politics that unfortunately is as useful as stabbing oneself in the eye. The environment has changed, more so by the action of man than naturally, the resources we have are scarce because we use them illogically and there are too many people on this earth to be sustained by the current processes in action. So to me it just seems like a waste of time to study motivation, as it would imply that there isn't a pressing need to change the way the world works. Sure from another perspective it would be crucial to know how could we, on a rapid pace change how the decision makers in big companies view the environment.

And as any diligent blogger I have filled this post written in the beginning of summer with early spring pictures from Turku... maybe the next post might even be real time? Scary thought.. 

Back to School

How is it that when you need to work hard, you end up doing something completely different and run out of coffee before you are even done? What about when you start doing your work and end up googling some random bit of information and start looking at what others did? Haha. That's my life. I'm not gonna lie I'm enjoying being back in school and using my brain, but at the same time I'm going through all those phases of anxiety and questioning myself as any new student does. Its funny how this works, I was laughing at Panda when he did his masters degree that come on its only school and now I'm in the exactly same situation. Life works in mysterious ways. I'm happy though, I get so much more energy from going to class and having more structure in my life. I feel more and more like my old plain self again. Though a bit more uncertain about myself and my skills.

(ain't it funny to post pictures from spring and a text from autumn, in the middle of summer? Better late than never right, though I could easily wear this again today maybe with a lighter blouse though and what is up with my hair, haha)

I'm also pleasantly surprised at the master's degree I chose at Turku University, Turku School of Economics. Its exactly what I wanted to study, and the teachers are great. The teaching methods are quite similar to what I experienced while studying in an University in Canada as well as in an University of Applied Sciences. There are of course things that aren't as great, just like in any school or workplace. I won't go into detail, but I feel that the orientations are different. I mean that in the University of Applied Sciences, the teachers and staff were more oriented towards students and their good performance. While now it seems I am more of a secondary objective, and if I want help it will directly influence my performance negatively. Well we will see how this develops, luckily I can ask Panda for help with any concerns.

I wrote these few words like half a year ago, but only now got around to publishing them.. I'm so fast even turtles go past me. Better late than never right? At this moment I am happily realising how much I love to read and surprisingly write. I never thought about a career in something literary due to my dyslexia, that caused me for a long time to regard myself as well plainly an idiot. Now I have little by little gather a lot more belief in myself and my abilities. I really look forward to stretching my skills further and seeing what I can achieve with hard work and practice. Hey maybe I will write a book someday ;)

Outfits of Summer 15

How do you start a post that you have been planning and also writing for more than half a year? Well how about with some pondering into the mysterious ways time slips right through my fingers and some outfits from last summer...

I have been living now since last fall in the most charming little city. Most buildings here are quite old and it feels more like living in old European city than Finland. The centre of Turku especially is odd to me, just behind a corner you can find small houses and apartment buildings with large yard areas. In any case it feels quite charming to me. There are tons of lovely little boutiques, cafes and restaurants calling my name, if I only had time. I really don't know how Beyonce does it ;)

I am quite surprised how busy one person can be, where did all my time go? What did I even do? I don't know how I used to waste my time, as now I just can't seem to get everything done that normally should be done. Like sleeping, eating, taking care of ones personal hygiene. I guess this is like everything else in life, when you have it you don't appreciate it and when you lose it you want it back so bad. I really miss the times I had more time for my blog, this used to be my creative hide away. Now I have so many things to do on my spare time, that this usually is the last thing on my mind. Like now I should be doing my thesis not writing this.

At the same time I notice something about myself, when I have the energy I can accomplish a million things within an hour but on some other day I can even seem to get out of bed let alone do something. Its really strange how one's energy levels can fluctuate so radically. Maybe I need adjust my diet or something. I also often notice how I think about different things and have great big plans, but getting around to doing them is also a HUGE struggle. Luckily this summer I have found time for the things I love and have planned.. like sewing projects and watching millions of tv shows :) I'm having bad withdrawal symptoms from Supernatural, Criminal Minds and Pretty Little Liars.. Especially now that I don't know where to watch any, well Supernatural I have to wait for a new season first..

So about the outfits, for my own purposes it is quite beneficial to take a stroll back to what I wore as I can then see the development of my style and so forth. Sometimes I feel like I should challenge myself to do something like recreate my Pinterest board of outfits, just to get myself to try more new things. Then again I do feel like I have gotten much better at wearing the clothes I used to save up for special occasions aka never used them for the fear of ruining them. Hah. Do they all look like what I expect, no way, but at least I tried and should perhaps practice posing a bit. Basically it seems that my favorite pair of shoes last year were the white lace ones seen in most of the pictures.. Some of the clothes seen in these pictures are in quite a lot of use this year as well, hopefully I will manage to share some before the summer is over. Wishful thinking at least.

Shades of White

Happy Midsummer! So wow where have the days gone? Time just speeds on by and I don't even notice. In a way I don't mind but also I just want to enjoy all the little things. In a way I have had plenty of time to read blogs and intake inspiration but have limited time to actually to create. It really makes me sad but I guess it's just about time management. It's the battle between the me I used to be and the me I am today. I'm still learning and hopefully I can keep learning all my life.

This has been an interesting post to write, I have been writing it during three different times so what I want to tell has changed several times. We changed our car and I had my bachelorette party, but now all I can think about is midsummer and sauna.

Anyway we had to change our car to a bigger one. It was much more emotional than I was ready for, even though I have been preparing for this for a year.. I had eight great years with my little car so its no wonder, but I suspect that if I had kept it longer it would have broken down on me. Its not really realistic to fit into a two door car with three people. So now I have a shiny white car in the yard, I hate white in cars but I guess I will just learn to love it. I hadn't even realized how old my car was until I saw all the new cool tech in this newest version. I'm just in aww over it, and I think the color is even growing on me. There are also posts about the wedding coming up, hopefully before the actual wedding day.. Yaay it's so close, finally!

I'm so in love with this lace shirt from Bik Bok but it seems to make me look so big, white has this effect on me. Also notice my absolutely clean hair, haha I wanted to take these pics coz I had my super nice wedding trial makeup on but didn't have time to wash my hair before. I also can't believe how much tiny new hair I have coming out in the front, some people say this is some kind of breastfeeding effect? Dunno but its bothering me, can't wear my hair on the side anymore :D 

Light purple dreams

You know that feeling when you notice that your favorite pair of jeans is torn? Sure if the tear is for example on the knee it doesn't really matter but the crotch! That is the worst. No actually the worst is to find out BOTH of your favorite jeans are torn in the crotch. Luckily I've been able to find some instructions on how to fix it discreetly so I have yet another thing on my to do list. I think my to do list keeps growing more than I can take things out of it. haha.

So in the meanwhile I had to figure out something else to wear, I did consider buying a new pair of blue jeans but inspired by a few bloggers and some pinterest pins I went in search of colorful jeans. I found some from Bik Bok and had trouble choosing a color so I got a dark purple and coral. I haven't yet matched the coral pants with anything. I have been waiting from warmer weather. The dark puprle ones were easier to incorporate during this weather and this is how I looked. I have to say I'm quite satisfied with these pants, BUT the material seems to gather all kinds of dirt escpesially hair! My hair is going through a stage of falling out so I'm picking out the hairs all the time. My light brown or dark blond hairs are quite visible in the dark purple pants. Though in the first pics of it they look more burgundy than purple. 

I guess this is that "hey take a pic of my accessories" pic, haha. Not to mention my uneven fingernails. Haha this is as real as it gets. 

Looking back at these pictures I have to wonder what is up with my hair? It was a windy day but still I really should book an appointment to a hairdresser. Sure I have been trying to grow them longer but my hair is so thin, though I have plenty but it just won't grow evenly through out the length. I have no idea what is up with that. Maybe I need some kind of supplements or maybe I don't drink enough water, etc. I only wash my hair twice a week at most and use a lot of oil, so I doubt its the products I use. Anyway I have been thinking about getting extensions for the wedding, but we will see what happens. 

Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream....

Sleep deprivation is a interesting thing. I never knew how much sleep affects you until now that for over 4 months I haven't slept more than 3 hours in a row. It comes with the job I guess but I do admit I wish I could sleep a little more in a row. Maybe after 20 years right? I can understand mom's that get upset and mad, lack of sleep really makes you on edge. Luckily in general I get at least two 3 hour gaps so I can manage.

Unen puute on kyllä mielenkiintoinen juttu. En koskaan oikein tajunnut kuinka paljon unen puute erityisesti vaikuttaa ihmiseen. Mieliala heittelee laidasta laitaan niin helposti. Onneksi kumminkin saan ainakin kaksi kertaa yössä kolmen tunnin putken niin sillä pärjää yllättävän hyvin. 

I made some 鸳鸯虾, good practice for Chinese New Year. Gonna try this year to make a proper Chinese dinner for Panda. We had a relatives Birthday a while ago and I decided to rock out my sequined top and a glittery cardigan. Like I said it feels wonderful to have sometimes a reason to dress up extra special when you are used to just wearing sweatpants and so on.

Kyllä sitä heti huomaa kuinka kaipaa tälläytymistä kun pääsee lähtemään sukulaisten synttäreille niin iskee heti niskaan mahdollisimman paljon kimalteita. ;)

Lace

As I spend most of my days at home in relaxed clothes, the few times I do venture out into the world I try to take advantage of it. Though I tend to choose quickly and always wear jeans, but perhaps as the spring starts to come around I'll try out some dresses too. I can't wait to take more pictures outside, now I wouldn't even dare take my jacket off when I'm outside. Its strange how when you were younger you could even run around with out a hat but now I wouldn't even dare. I guess I finally realized how precious my brain is.

Nyt kun ilmeisestä syystä vietän suurimman osan ajastani kotona lökäreissä niin sitä huomaa kuinka paljon enemmän panostaa pukeutumiseen kun lähtee ulos. Tosin yleensä pukeutuminen on salaman nopeaa ja farkut on melkein aina päällä mutta aina on vaikeus valita kun on niin monta vaihtoehtoa. Ehkä kevään tullen saan inspiraation laittaa hameen päälle mutta katellaan miten käy. Olisi muutenkin kiva päästä ulos kuvailemaan varsinkin kun nyt on niin kylmä ulkona etten edes tarkene ottaa takkia pois päältä. On se hassua kun nuorempana juos ulkona ilman hattua mutta nykyään ei edes tulisi mieleen talvi pakkasilla. Kai sitä vaan kasvaa aikuiseksi ja tajuaa kuinka tärkeä se oma pää onkaan. 

I often just choose not to do makeup as I don't have the time and well I really don't mind going without. Though I could use some mascara at least. Though I will admit that I can't wait to do my makeup properly in the near future.

Naama ihan peruslukemilla ilman meikkiä kun ei vaan ole aikaa, vaikka olisi ihan kiva edes ripsiväriä laittaa. Tosin kun oma naama kelpaa ilmankin niin miks ei nyt vaihteeksi. Ootan kyllä että taas voisi meikata kunnolla, mutta siihen menee ehkä vielä hetki.

White and Red

I guess I can wrap up this year with finally posting these outfit pictures from earlier in December that I just never had time to post. Thats how you know Christmas time is super busy. The small breaks of time I have I used to to everything else not blog. Hopefully this New Year starting soon I'll have some more time to post and enjoy healthy living. You can note that we suddenly got a lot more snow than what these pictures reveal, but as I'm still not quite well I'm not taking the risk and wondering out into the wonderful winter wonderland we have here. Gosh I love that red scarf and white knit combo. Gotta wear it again soon. Now gonna head down to dinner and try to enjoy the evening. :)